14 Types of SSA OGC Attorneys

Typology of Social Security Administration (SSA) Office of General Counsel (OGC) Assistant Regional Counsel (ARC) Attorneys (Non-Supervisory)

1. ARC With a Conscience: This ARC has a conscience; the longest such an ARC has worked for SSA OGC is 2 pay periods.

2. ARC Snotty Unawares: This ARC has a snotty attitude, thinking that he or she has a real job when he or she is picking up legal trash. Thinks plaintiffs' attorneys are low life and does not hesitate to let them know that.

3. ARC Republican: This ARC seethes with hatred and contempt for anyone who applies for benefits or who assists such a claimant. This ARC actually likes his or her job -- he or she gets paid for foaming at the mouth against malingerers, fakers, alcoholics, drug addicts, minorities, and welfare mothers, i.e., the only kind of claimants this ARC ever encounters.

4. ARC Waiting for Next Buyout: This ARC works if at all in a coma-like state waiting for the next buyout offer.

5. ARC Total Bulls***: This ARC spews nothing but bulls***. Believes his or her grandiose bulls*** smells fine. Compare ARC Lie-O-Matic.

6. ARC Lie-O-Matic: This ARC lies about anything and everything and expects the courts and plaintiffs' attorneys to accept those lies as gospel. "We never agree to that." "The Appeals Council never allows that." This ARC does not realize that plaintiffs' attorneys know that he or she is just making it up, i.e., the ARC thinks opposing counsel actually believe him or her.

7. ARC Duped: This ARC actually believes what his or her supervisor says. (Also thinks WMDs were found in Iraq.)

8. ARC This is a Great Job for a Working Mom: This ARC adores her position as ideal women's work -- no responsibility to take home, flex time, work at home, maternity leave, not rated based on amount of work produced, affirmative action for women, and lunch breaks long enough for shopping.

9. ARC Too Tired to Litigate: This ARC is too tired to litigate. He or she is too tired to rebut a plaintiff's arguments, object to an adverse report and recommendation, etc. Every settlement offer is a take-it-or-leave-it offer because the ARC has no stamina for negotiations. Writes a merits motion for summary judgment in 3 hours.

10. ARC I am Too Good For This Job: This ARC is temporarily at SSA OGC until he or she obtains a job worthy of his or her intellect, skills, and character.

11. ARC Waiting to Become ALJ: This ARC realizes the only way out and up of SSA OGC is to Office of Disability Adjudication and Review as an SSA Administrative Law Judge (ALJ). Does whatever is needed to earn the points necessary to become an ALJ.

12. ARC Refugee: This ARC arrived at SSA OGC's doorstep as a refugee from the private sector. Everything in SSA OGC is tolerable given the reality of firm practice.

13. ARC I Hate My Supervisor: This ARC's entire life is miserable because he or she hates his or her supervisor. Really despises the supervisor.

14. ARC Did Legal Research -- Once: This ARC did legal research -- once. Was rebuked for doubting supervisor's explication of the Law and warned that future legal research would be considered insubordination.