21 Types of Administrative Law Judges

1. Administrative Law Judge (ALJ) Speed Chess: Move on counsel, I have a hearing at 1:30 p.m.

2. ALJ Primrose Path Arm Twister: Mr./Ms. Claimant, you just testified that you took a regular retirement. Mr./Ms. Claimant, you agree, don’t you, that you could have continued doing your last job if you had not retired? Don’t you? Don’t you? Don’t you?

3. ALJ Slumming in Disability: Disability adjudication is beneath me. The Agency is beneath me. The representatives are incompetent. The decision writers are stupid. The clerks are retarded. I am too good for this job.

4. ALJ Cab Driver Stepping Stone: This is just a temporary gig for me. I’m going to do real law for another Agency just as soon as....

5. ALJ Semi-Retirement: Some attorneys retire to golf. Some have heart attacks or liver disease and die. Some achieve stratospheric heights within the profession. I have taken semi-retirement with the Social Security Administration.

6. ALJ You Dumb Rep: You are the dumbest attorney I have ever met. How could you be so dense?

7. ALJ Mr./Mrs. Social Security Administration: That’s not how WE do it. OUR program has rules for that.

8. ALJ I’m Disabled Too: I have headaches too. I work. So can you. I have back pain too. I work. If you are disabled, then so am I, but I come to work. If I can work, why can’t you?

9. Doctor ALJ: An ejection fraction means this.... That laboratory test has no correlation with.... Dr. Medical Expert, isn’t it true that this objective finding shows that....

10. ALJ Browbeating Berater: So you me to take care of you just like your mother took care of you. You are worthless, aren’t you? You are worthless because you cannot work and expect me to give you a handout. Did I mention that you are worthless?

11. ALJ I Hate People: I hate you Mr. Claimant. I hate you Mr. Hearing Monitor. I hate you Mr. Representative. I hate you Mr. Vocational Expert. I also hate you Mr. Medical Expert. Did I forget someone?

12. ALJ Objective Medical Evidence: Everything depends on objective medical evidence. Without objective medical evidence, you are not disabled. Objective evidence, got that? Let me state that again: objective evidence.

13. ALJ Trust Fund Tight Wad: The Commissioner has given me responsibility for safeguarding the Trust Fund. I can’t just give benefits to anyone. I must make sure that EVERY claimant is extra-special triple disabled before I can award benefits. That’s fair, right? You wouldn’t want me to give benefits to you if you weren’t disabled, would you?

14. ALJ Seen Enough: That’s all I need, counsel. I will get a decision out to you as soon as possible. I wish you the best Mr./Ms. Claimant.

15. ALJ Mr. Flirt: Comes alive whenever he has a chance to flirt with an attractive (in the ALJ’s view) representative or vocational expert.

16. ALJ Chip on the Shoulder: I am having a Bad Life. Do me a favor -- shut up.

17. ALJ Having a Bad . . . Career: I am here only because I was mistreated elsewhere.

18. ALJ Monty Hall: Let’s Make a Deal. Ask your client to amend his/her onset date to the millisecond after the claimant’s date last insured....

19. ALJ Up Yours Appeals Council: It will be a cold day in Hell when I let those panty waists at Appeals Council tell me what do to. Do I have to repeat myself? NOT DISABLED.

20. ALJ Perry Mason: This ALJ relishes the discovery of some hidden truth in the record. Ah ha! You were working under the table for your uncle! ALJ Perry Mason is frequently wrong, thinking that the claimant was an abuser of narcotic pain medication when the exhibit showing abuse was from another claimant or patient.

21. ALJ Insider Boys Club: This ALJ is pals with the vocational and medical experts. Before, during, and after the hearing, the ALJ has a pleasant chit chat with the vocational expert and medical expert as though the claimant and the representative are not even in the room and as though an administrative hearing is not immensely important to the claimant.